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Tara Maclay's Journal

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26th May 2003

7:04pm: ~Dearest Journal:

Their concerns in regards to the Hellmouth were as worrisome as we had feared. Gosh if they are right about it there is a very rough time in store for everyone. I wish I knew enough to prepare them all but Goddess knows I don’t and training the Slayers, organizing themselves may be the best they can do. Oh Goddess I only hope it is enough.

I have been avoiding them and I think I’m afraid to see her again, gosh maybe terrified is a better word. I don’t know how to interact with them; I hate the thought that I can’t tell them everything. I know they will know what they need to know at the time they need to know it, you know and gosh try to say that ten times fast.

~Tara
Current Mood: calm

(5 spells | cast a spell)

23rd May 2003

6:28pm: Unknown Insect Reflection


~Dear Journal:

Gosh I don’t think I have ever lost my memory before and it’s kind of a scariness not knowing who you are and why the thought of an insect reflection amuses me so much. Do insects even know they have reflections?

According to my university id my name is Tara Maclay and goddess knows that is all I know about myself other than the fact that I am in a real magic shop and vampires exist and maybe that means that magic is real. I think that is so neat. A magic shop with all its really cool magic items of goodness is just so nifty. Anya is so lucky to be a witch. I mean she must be a witch to run a shop like this.

I thought we should go to the hospital but after our brush with um well the vampires, maybe that isn’t the best idea. I am sure we can figure this out between the nine of us. The red headed girl Willow almost seems excited about the prospect of research; I’ll bet she likes pop quizzes too. Her boyfriend Alex is a little off though I’m not sure why I think that or why there is a tinge of something when I look at him. I don’t think I have feelings for him, that doesn’t fit and I could never do that to Willow, maybe I am close with Willow, study buddies as she suggested.

Mr. Giles is old and British and his son Randy is really pale because he is a vampire. He thinks he has a soul but Joan our superhero girl says that is lame. I kind of like the soul idea if it means he isn’t going to eat us. Joan has a sister Dawn or Uwad which I think is really funny. Not an insect reflection, but gosh almost as funny. There is also a guy with a strange name Andrewkin and a girl named Cordelia who seems almost too nice like maybe she is a little phony. Goddess knows I shouldn’t be making judgments without memories to base them on.

Well I am not sure where I am staying tonight but hopefully tomorrow we will figure this all out and I can be me again. I wonder if I won’t know who I am in my dreams too because that would just be so unfair.

~Tara

Current Mood: confused

(cast a spell)

1:36pm: It Begins


~Dearest Journal:

Death is a strange bedfellow or mistress in my case as I was never exactly into the fellows. In life I had my niche and that place was a place of goodness, I very much miss it so. I wonder if she knows that I never left her? When she nearly destroyed the world right up to her greatest glory in the battle against The First I was there, watching her, guiding her. I will always love her and crave the Willow goodness that I can never have again. Our destinies are on different paths and my return will not change that. Gosh I wish it could be different but goddess knows that just cannot be the case.

Shortly after I died, another joined this plane, a girl who I shall bring back with me as her role is to be pivotal one day or so say ‘The Powers That Be.’ Her name is Cordelia and though I never really knew her, I did know of her as she was one of the gang um well before I joined them. She was never meant to be here of that much I am aware. Another is here to return as well. A vampire who had fulfilled an ancient prophesy and shall be made human as a reward. Spike, I know him rather well and my heart is warm when I think of the distance he came from when I first met him.

The three of us shall return now and we will play our parts in the unfolding drama that only The Powers know about. I am to be their mouthpiece, a messenger of hope on the side of goodness. Cordelia is their other messenger in a more subtle way through visions and feelings sent to her on the more dire matters. Spike, well gosh he gets to choose his destiny but considering the distance he has come he could not but choose to aid our side in the coming struggles. There is a fourth returning, but she is a secret for now, even from me. Gosh it will be so good to see all my friends again. I hope, no I know they will accept my return. After all Buffy once said that we were family and if anyone can accept the dead returning it has be family.

We will enter the world in Los Angeles where Willow and Giles are rebuilding the Watcher’s Council. I will let Cordelia and Spike make first contact; my appearance may be too shocking. Besides I need to go to Dana Point and see this new Hellmouth and try to figure out why it is unnerving me more than the one in Sunnydale ever did. Goddess knows this will be an interesting journey for all of us and gosh I can only pray it ends in goodness.

~Tara

Current Mood: good

(cast a spell)

23rd March 2003

3:03pm: Spin Off Update


An insider who was present with a meeting between UPN and Mutant Enemy, the production firm of Joss Whedon, reports that a possible Spin-Off has been put on ice on account of different internal reasons which included the cancellation of Eliza Dushku's as a spin off contender. This is not to say that their will not be a spin off and one for the beginning of the 2004 season is still possible.

The reliability of the source has not been proven and there are some feelings that this may be a foiler put out to keep us all guessing. Either way, the information is there for us to make up our own minds about.

(cast a spell)

21st March 2003

3:06pm:

Here are some promo pictures from "Dirty Girls" from SMG fan Message Board


Dirty Girls Promo PicturesCollapse )

(cast a spell)

12th March 2003

10:29am: A_S: Growing


~Dear Journal~

The baby is still growing and this is a lovely baby goodness and Willow is gosh so excited as she lays with me every night and feels my tummy hoping to feel the first kick. I assure her that it is too soon for that but it woun't be much longer. Just the thought of a life growing inside of me is incredible and I can't wait till Willow and I have the baby in our arms. We are going to gosh make the best parents ever.

Dawn is all excited too about the baby and she nearly fainted when I told her that I wanted her to be one of the Godparents for the baby as I know she would be the perfect person to look after her if Goddess forbid anything were to ever happen to Willow and I. Dawn has been there for me ever since I entered the group and I don't know if she will ever know how much I respect her and how grateful I am for her friendship.

~Tara~

Current Mood: happy

(cast a spell)

9th March 2003

1:56pm: SH: Desert Teachings


~Dear Journal~

So far the desert retreat has gone really well though what today holds will be tougher than yeasterday was. Yesterday was godness especially in the afternoon when it was time to do some magick with Root. We created a circle in the afternoon taking our time to make it nice and to ensure we did not harm any of the wildlife as I wanted to impress the respect for all life on her as Goddess knows she needs to connect more with Nature and that was what this wekend was all about.

I turned the bots off to conserve their power while we began the spell. Root being the more powerful should have led, but I wanted her to follow and that was part of the godness I had planned. We opened up our chakras, taking our time to soak in the sensations of the magicks as it was about the feeling. Once our magicks flowed, I want to synchronize us, allow our magicks to unite and become one. I was rather shocked at how much power she had and their was still darkness from what she did and it hurt to let that become a part of me but for the purpose of the spell I had to.

Once we were in tune and out magick flowed as it it were one, I allowed it to expand and feel the land around us in gentle waves, connecting with everything, the salamander looking for a new rock to hide under and even the sand fleas bouncing around looking for food. The magicks went deeper than that connecting with the tapestry of the Earth itself allowing us to feel the cycles of life, the birth, life and death of everything on every level. Gosh this spell had never worked this well before, but Root's power made it possible and that was scary a little because if that much power ever became fully tained, well it wouldn't be goodness.

In our trances we watched the cycle over and over and the life energies that left the crewatures to only be reincorporated into a new life. Even bacteria had this life cycle and little sparks of life so we were able to watch the progress of the spark over and over and the feeling of completion as it evolved into a better spark, each time. I felt I was getting so much out of this, more than I had when my mother use to do this with me when I was little. I only hoped Root was getting as much out of it as I was.

We left the circle just before sunset and then we made our way to a rock where we sat facing the west and watching the sun end another day. We had come full circle and I didn't have to say anything to my daughter as I could see the understanding on her face.

~Tara~

Current Mood: connected

(cast a spell)

8th March 2003

12:27pm: S_H: Into the Desert


~Dear Journal~

Root could not continue to sulk in my room forever and I didn't want to push her but yet gosh I had to do something and thus I planned a trip into the desert, just the two of us for a chance to connect both personally and magickally and maybe help her understand why the dark magicks are wrong and Goddess knows if I'm successful maybe get my daughter back on the right track.

I told everyone on Thursday that we were going and that it would just be us as I think Willow wanted to come but not this time, I don't think the slight strains that exist still between us would help Root back to goodness. Miss Calendar was concerned with just the two of us out there alone, but gosh Root is a Slayer and she can handle any trouble if we run into it. They wanted to know where exactly we would be and I gave them a very vague description of where we would be, gosh it was vague enough that they would end up a good two miles away from us which was goodness as I did not want to be interupted.

Willow was okay with not having the car for the weekend and Root was a little hesitant to go to say the least but I didn't give her a choice so she came. As we were leaving Miss Calendar asked me to take the bots for extra protection as Grant was loose and he had an interest in Root. I conceeded to that much and soon the four of us were on route to my secret Desert retreat. Gosh the bots talked alot, like small children in the back seat. At least they weren't making out as that kind of you know creeps me out.

We arrived and Root looked at me funny as yeppers it was a dead barren land, no forests, hills or anything, just sand. I had the bots set up the tent as I unloaded the firewood from the car, I bought long burn logs so they would last longer. I set up the fire using magick to ignite it hoping that wasn't setting a bad example for Root.

"This is kind of nice," Root said. "So when do we begin whatever yo have brought me out here for?"

"Patience Root, we have all weekend. Tonight we are going to relax and enjoy some roasted marshmellows over the fire goodness. Tomorrow we will get down to business though really this weekend is about connecting and all so buisness may not be the best word. Just wait and you'll see what I have in mind."

"Maxi, I can't wait," she said as I handed her a marshmellow and a skewer. She looked at it funny so I showed her how to roast marshmellows. After that we sang a few campfire songs, well gosh after I taught them to Root. The night was going to be light as Saturday would be much more intense.

~Tara~

Current Mood: peaceful

(cast a spell)

10:31am: HV: Still loving Willow


~Dear Journal~

I have been having bad dreams about Willow and they are not goodness. I have accepted that I have lost her but gosh I will always love her and I don't want to see her get hurt and I am so afraid she is going to consume herself with this quest to bring back Buffy. I mean gosh I would love to have Buffy back and we had a real shoot at it but it has passed, we need to accept Buffy's death and move on. I would be willing to be her friend even with her dating Michael if it meant she would be happy and you know not all dark makicked up. Goddess knows she can't see this at all, all her friends can but she is just blinded by it and that is not goodness.

~Tara~

Current Mood: worried

(1 spell | cast a spell)

10:25am: S_D: Spell Casting Goodness


~Dear Journal~

I have been all exited to have someone to work magicks with and Willow is well gosh she is so pretty and nice and I am shocked she would want to spend anytime with me. Goodess knows I have never been that popular and gosh well I have sort of gotten use to that you know. As a little girl I had always wanted to be friends with the popular girls and enter in there circles and then when my mind developed I lost that desire because I could recognize the shallowness of the popular crowd and it was turning out that the most interesting people were um you know not popular. I don't know if Willow was popular, but she is interesting and if I had to base that point on my hypothesis, then I would have to say she wasn't popular which is a shame because she is as pretty as the popular girls.

Willow and I were going to work on some spells last night as Oz was playing and she said she was free. I was so excited and then I realized that I would need supplies if there was to be some spell casting goodness. I headed off to the Magic Box, knowing it wasn't open yet but hoping Mr. Giles might make an exception in my case.


The Magic Box and Mr. GilesCollapse )


Once I had my supplies I returned to my dorm room to get a spell book we would need, it was a nice book, leather bound and had my mom's name engraved into the binding. I really missed her a lot and I hoped wherever she was she could see me and approved of me getting out on my own. I am sure she did as she told me that she loved Dad but that he would consume me if I let him. I never fully understood what she meant until after she died and I became the woman of the house, though I think it was closer to being well gosh, a slave.

I was so nervous as I climbed the stairs to the second floor of Willow's Dorm and I found her number and just stood outside her door for a moment. I reached out with my hand and traced the number before getting up the courage to knock. Goodess knows I don't know how I managed to remain standing as my knees felt like jello as I waited for her to answer the door and when she did and smiled at me, it was magical, one of those memories burned into my mind forever.

Current Mood: nervous

(cast a spell)

6th March 2003

2:19pm: BV: Checking on Willow


~Dear Journal~

Dawn called me from L.A. and it was good to hear her voice, it is always goodness to hear familiar tones. She said they are having a lot of fun there and doing lots of shopping and I told her I wish I had had the time to tag along and she said I so have to next time. She was so enthuastic and I have to admit she was what I refer to as a spirit raiser, not supernatural spirits, but moods. One could not help but feel more energetic and happier in her presence.

Dawnie was a little concerned that they couldn't reach Willow and I told her I would go check on her and call them back at the hotel. Gosh, I was going to see Willow and that brought up the feelings that I still had for her, but they were worried about her and so was I. Willow was a little sheepish and I think she thought I hated her. Goodess knows, that is simply not even a possibility. I told her such and that I was working through the feelings from what she had done and I told her I was going to forgive her because I couldn't hold anything against her. She was in pain and gosh I knew what that was like and what she did though wrong was understandable. I told her it would be goodness between us, we could be friends again and I even said that we could meet for mochas on the weekend. She was happy about this.

I called Dawn back and left a message as they were out having fun and I smiled because I knew they would feel better knowing that Willow was doing fine.

~Tara~

Current Mood: hopeful

(cast a spell)

12:09pm: SLG: Willow


~Dear Journal~

Wow, Willow seemed unaware that I was overlooked for the wedding and I guess that is understandable as I mean its a hectic time, so much to do and all. She thinks that she ruined my life, she doesn't have that much power as I mean yes gosh she hurt me but only I can let that ruin my life and I won't do that. I may never connect the way I did with her with nyone but that was the magick, it amplified things. I love Faith and oh gosh I just said it but I do and I think she likes me, she is sometimes hard to read. But sometimes it can be fun trying to learn how to read something different, it is goodness.

~Tara~

Current Mood: thoughtful

(cast a spell)

11:59am: A_S: Completeness


~Dear Journal~

I am still very relieved that the green episode has passed and am now concentrating on the two most importan things to me, Willow and the baby. I know I am only three months pregnant now and you really have to look to see that I am showing but I can feel her inside of me and that gosh is the best feeling I could ever describe, it is like that feeling when I look into Willow's eyes and the World melts away leaving only me and her and the goodness that is completeness as our souls become one in those instants and now it is three souls becoming one and I love them both more than anything.

~Tara~

Current Mood: peaceful

(cast a spell)

10:27am: S_D: Scobby Meeting


~Dear Journal~

Last night was very hih on the weirdness scale but in a way it was kind of nice too as I finally got to talk to Willow though I am not sure how well it went. I guess it all began when I went to meet Dawn to play a game of Chess and she felt so bad as she said her sister's group was holding one of their meetings and they are letting her join in. Gosh, I was a little disappointed but I liked her enthuasium and I was ready to go home when Dawn decided she wanted me to come along. She then decided to brief me on demons and she found it funny when I told her I already knew about demons and vampires. She was like all pry gal but I didn't mind one little bit and I told her about being a Witch which she thought was coolness.

The meeting was interesting though I got the feeling that the old guy, Mr. Giles I mean, was not happy that Dawn brought me and had just so easily let me in on their secret world. I assurred him that I wasn't going to tell their secrets, I wouldn't betray Dawn like that. He seemed to accept this and they talked about a bracelet and someone named Spike. Gosh I was a little out of the loop and not really sure what was going on. Then I got to talk to Willow.

"You're like that girl from Wicca Group," Willow said.

"Y-Yes that's me. I was meaning to talk to you about magick and stuff but I think when I came to see you that Spike guy was harassing you and then the other d-demon showed up so I ran once I saw you got aw-way," I said trying to calm myself down.

"That's sweet," Willow said. "Wicca group was pretty much a bust though as baking is well not the same as Witchcraft," She said.

"There's magick brownies," I said smirking. "But that is a different type of magick."

"I have been learning so much and I can float a pencil and I guess I was hoping I would get more out of the group," Willow said.

"I c-can help you," I offerred.

"I'd like that," Willow replied smiling.

Our conversation pretty well ended at that point as Oz came over and I felt a little uncomfortable but I was going to get to do magick with Willow, that was goodness. I also had Dawnie and she was a lot of fun to hang out with so double goodness all around. But now here is where the confusion entered into the picture. I was on my way home and I saw Willow again but she looked different, different outfit that was not Willow. I looked down for a minute and then she was gone, gosh I was wondering if those doughnuts Xander had brought were magick.

~Tara~

Current Mood: hopeful

(cast a spell)

5th March 2003

9:38pm: SH: Andrew


~Dear Journal~

Andrew came by today for a visit and it was goodness, we had the chance to really talk. I didn't want him thinking I invited him into battle against Glory because of his abilities but that he is a friend and I knew I could count on him for that very reason. We also talked about Willow, Warren and life in general, it is really tough for him and I feel his pain as I have had a rough journey with Willow so I do understand his pain.

Andrew told me that he was uncomfortable with the lie that Amy's spell had created with her Dad and gosh I don't blame him. Magick is part of Nature, but not a solution for everything. He asked if I could talk to her about it and maybe get her to undo it. I said I would but did warn him that her father may not let him stay there once he is free from the spells influence. I also added if that happens he can come stay with us. I am sure Miss Calendar wouldn't mind, she let Root bring Evan in without any questions and that has worked out well.

I then brought up Root and explained to Andrew that I am having a hard time reaching her and asked if he could maybe talk to her, just give her an ear and maybe that would help her. I know that everyone thinks that I am being too easy on her, but they don't realize that she is being very hard on herself right now and I don't want anymore pressure on her because supergirl or not, she is human and she can break and that would not be goodness.

~Tara~

Current Mood: stressed

(cast a spell)

3:03pm: S_C: Protecting Willow


~Dear Journal~

By nature I am usually you know very easy going but when everyone was putting so much pressure on Willow over that spell, Goddess knows I lost it a little and well gosh I am glad I did. Willow is my everything and I don't think any of them know how rough it was on me when I lost her to the badness. It was like a part of me was missing and it was and still is the most important part because it completes me. Willow completes me and I thank the Goddess everyday for that.

Willow's journey into badness was because they put so much pressure on her and I had hoped they wouldn't fall right back into that but that is what they were doing and I wasn't going to let them do that to my baby again. She is too important to me and from now on I am going to be proactive in keeping her happy and on the path of goodness.

The spell was very intense and I concentrated all of my energies on anchoring Willow, boostering up her confidence and stabilizing her mind because Goddess knows this was very tough on her and I was going to help her shine in the eyes of her friends with minimal stress. Gosh, at the end of the spell Angel was there to help me catch Willow and you know he has always been there and I was very glad he was again as I would have fallen over too without his strength.

Cordelia was all happy and Mr. Giles apoligized to me later for being so forceful with Willow and pushing her. I told him that it wasn't me he should be apoligizing to. I think he was impressed with the new forceful me and if any of them wanted to see her again, then just try to mess with my girl again. It is almost fun being not all godness Tara.

In our private time I have been showing WIllow how happy I am to have her back and well gosh I would tell you some of the things we have been doing but it might even make Buffy and Faith blush and gosh it makes me blush just thinking about it, a good blush though.

~Tara~

Current Mood: protective

(cast a spell)

4th March 2003

8:47pm: t_C : Raising the Dead


~Dear Journal~

Gosh I don't think I have ever fought so much with Willow but Goddess knows what she is proposing to do is badness. Raising the dead is not the way as witches can't be allowed to alter the fabric of life for selfish reasons. Bringing back Buffy is selfish and against the natural order of things. Wiccans took an oath a long time ago to honor that order, to not taint it with selfishness.

“Willow you can't be thinking of using magick to bring Buffy back,” I said hoping I could get through to her.

“I can make it work Tara,” she said with a slight smile.

“No, that's not it at all. You are m-missing the point,” I said.

“No Tara, the point is that its Buffy, the world needs her,” she said raising her voice a little.

“T-that's why when one Slayer dies a new one rises. The truth is that you need her, you are motivated by a selfish need and this is not natural,” I stated.

“Buffy dies a mystical death Tara, that changes things,” Willow said hoping to sway my opinion.

“No it doesn't,” I said lowering my eyes. “Magick isn't a fix all solution for everything. B-Buffy died and I miss her too but she wouldn't want you messing with forces so powerful in hopes of bringing her back.”

“I'm sorry Tara, but I am doing this. Buffy passed through that portal and she may be suffering unmentionable torment in some Hell dimension and I can't leave her there. You may be able to use ethics to turn your back on your friends, but I can't!”

“I am not turning my back on anyone Willow. If I let you do this without trying to convince you of how much this is badness, then I would be doing just that, turning my back on you.”

The conversation went on though it wasn't productive as we tried to make the same points over and over and it got kind of loud just before Xander and Anya arrived. Willow explained to them her plan and Xander was shocked and I could tell he didn't think it was a good idea. Willow didn't care what we thought, she was planning on doing this anyway and I didn't know how to reach her.

After Xander left we argued for a few more hours before the call came. It was Xander and a new variable had been introduced as Faith was back. I didn't like Faith very much after what she had done to Buffy and if she was back, we were all in trouble. I hated to admit it but we needed Buffy for more than just our personal protection. The Slayer line ran through Faith so there was no one to take Buffy's place, the World was effectively Slayerless and this was not goodness.

“That was Xander, w-we are going to do the spell to bring Buffy back,” I said to a surprised Willow.

~Tara~

Current Mood: worried

(cast a spell)

1:24pm: BV: Miss Calendar


~Dear Journal~

Other than that small exchange Willow and I still haven't really talked. Though Miss Calendar did ask us both to help her with organizing texts and scanning them into the computer this weekend. I said I would help because well gosh she is one of my favorite professors and I couldn't turn her down despite the badness between Willow and I. Besides, it will be fun to see what sort of texts she has and maybe learn a few things in the process.

Faith and Dawn are still in L.A. and I am missing them, I guess I became a little attached to having friends around and that is goodness as who likes to have mochas alone.

~Tara~

Current Mood: bored

(cast a spell)

4:14am: RV: Maeve


~Dear Journal~

Gosh, with all the trouble the kindergarden gang like to get into, I was kind of surprised that I didn't receive any calls from the school or parents or Miss Calendar complaining about her pink panther. Root somehow didn't get into any trouble, I am sure Caden will be relieved that her baby wasn't involved in anything today either.

I was a little surprised about Fray and Maeve taking guardianship of her. I like Maeve even though we went through a rough time ten years ago. However, she is keeping secrets and I am not very happy about that. I know she knew Root was returning and she didn;t say anything, she let me find out when that Watcher showed up with her. If she is willing to keep that secret, what else does she know? It would be goodness if well gosh she would just be open and tell us what she knows.

~Tara~

Current Mood: pensive

(cast a spell)

3rd March 2003

3:01pm: S_H: Recovery


~Dear Journal~

Root really hasn't opened up about what she did the other night though I suspect it has to do with the Council and the urgent matter Maeve wants to talk to Root in regards to. I am not letting her anywhere near my daughter as she has not been the same since she fell asleep. Gosh, she has been plagued with nightmares and this whole thing is just badness. She needs love right now and Maeve will bust have to be patient.

When Root was possessed with the magicks she was mean to me and that was so hurtful though I am not holding it against her. Willow and her family is another problem all together, they are not as supportive as I have been and they are so worried about Grant that they are missing Root's cries for help. Goddess knows Willow has been trying to be supportive and I love her for it but she is caught up in the clan stuff and well gosh I don't understand that stuff and maybe they don't realize how it feels to be on the outside of all of this. Root is a part of it but yet she is also on the outside and when it comes down between choosing the clan or Root, my daughter will win everytime.

~Tara~

Current Mood: worried

(cast a spell)

2nd March 2003

7:54pm: SLG: A Call For Help


~Dear Journal~

I received a call from Mr. Giles and needless to say I was a little taken back as after all this time they decide to ask me for help and just after the wedding I wasn't invited to. Gosh I should have just said no and Faith told me that it would serve them right but I am not like that. Oz has been good to me and the babies are innocent and the thought of killing them is not goodness even for the reason of saving the world. The ends do not always justify the means and I will do what I can to find another way.

Faith decided that she didn't want me to go alone so she invited herself to tag along and that was okay as at least showing up with a friend would show I am not as worthless as they may suppose. Faith is an outcast to and well gosh she is a wonderful girl and I am trying to make her see that and falling in love with her as I do just that. Gosh, it is funny how life sometimes works.

"Tara, Faith, thank you for coming," Mr. Giles said as he opened the door.

"Let's get someting straigh. We're here for the babies," Faith said.

"I's okay Faith," I said to back her down a little. "We are here to help."

~Tara~

Current Mood: hopeful

(cast a spell)

3:28pm: S_D: Six Degrees


~Dear Journal~

I had quite a bit of homework to do this weekend but gosh I really applied myself yesterday and was able to get it all done so that I could have today free. I really didn't have any plans but I called Dawn and she practically reached through the phone and dragged me to her house to play Chess. Goddess knows, it was better than hanging around my dorm or spending another day with Anya. I like Anya, but every so often a change in pace is goodness.

I met Dawn's mom and she was really nice, she baked fresh muffins for us and then it turned out that when she started talking about her other daughter Buffy I made some connections. Buffy was one of Willow's friends who sits with her in psyche class and Dawn was her sister. It turns out Dawn was stood up by Willow the other night and that was weirdness but in a good way. Gosh it must really be true that we are all only separated by at the most six degrees of separation.

We played about six games of Chess and I did mannage to win two so I thought that was good ness for me and the not so great Chess player that I am.

~Tara~

Current Mood: calm

(cast a spell)

1st March 2003

11:23pm: SH: Confusion


~Dear Journal~

Gosh I never expected Root to be anything but honest with me and when she said she wanted to go for a walk to clear her head I thought it was a good idea as it would give me time to get caught up on a couple of assignments. Passing Miss Calendar's class would definitely be goodness. Root was off and I started to work on some code for a class project and gosh I began to feel uneasy and it was not just me, as I could swear Magic was feeling something too. Goddess knows it would have been better if I was just being paranoid but when Root returned, I knew without a doubt it was her. The dark magicks were cascading off of her and they felt so cold, she had a look in her darker than normal eyes that was not the Root I knew.

"Root, you are teeming with magick," I said trying to hide the shock from my voice.

"What a maxi-shock," she said with a sarcastic tone. That was not Root, that was the magicks talking.

"You are too powered up to think straight sweety. W-What have you been doing?"

"Well Mommy dear, I teleported to England, was gonna have some scones, but forgot about the time difference and the cafes were closed," she said with so much venom in her voice. "If you don't mind I'm am a little tired, I think I will retire," she said and walked out of the living room towards her room.

She had been sleeping in my bed up until then and I didn't think it was wise for her to be alone. Miss Calendar was away so I decided to take this situation into my own hands. Willow may be in charge but I could handle this. I went in to talk to Root and she was unconscious. I could sense the magicks leaving her and I shook her gently.

"Mommy-Tara," she said as she tried to smile at me.

"Yes sweetie, I'm here for you."

"Can I sleep in you bed tonight?"

"Of course sweetie," I said and I helped her to my room. She was so weak and seemed fragile and I didn't want to be afraid of her but for the first time I had felt a tinge of fear from my own daughter and something told me this was not going to be goodness.

~Tara~

Current Mood: worried

(cast a spell)

1:36am: Love


~Dear Journal~

Somehow the weirder things get the more they appear to be normal in this town and Gosh the whole Maeve thing was just that. She was Fray's guardian because apparently Fray is a potential Slayer and I wonder if that is because of Root not being a potential this time around. Goddess knows that fate sometimes has a funny way of arranging things the way she sees fit and somehow I think Root was always meant to have a Slayer connection and this time around it is her best friend and I think that may be goodness.

Root was talking about Lucky Charms all day as apparently Fray things Maeve is Irish from eating too many Lucky Charms and she things Amber eats them too thus making her a frog and I had to stiffle my laughter and tell her a little about witchcraft. I could feel the power in her, she was going to be a powerful Witch, like Willow but I wanted to introduce her to magicks slowly. I know everyone is worried because of the old Root and I understand those worries and I am going to make sure this time she grows up in love and I believe that in itself will make the difference.

~Tara~

Current Mood: peaceful

(cast a spell)

28th February 2003

3:01pm: S_D: Demons and Chess


~Dear Journal~

Willow didn't show up at Wicca group and I guess she was disappointed by well the shallowness of the group and I couldn't blame her. One of the girls actually said she was glad that weird Willow didn't show up and I wanted to say something but I didn't want to draw any attention to myself. After Wicca group I wanted to go find Willow and maybe talk to her about spells but someone found her first. She was talking to a blond guy and then gosh a demon showed up and attacked the blond guy and Willow ran. Gosh I ran too as I didn't want them to see me and well I have no idea why a demon would be interested in Willow.

Anya use to be a demon, a vengence demon as she told me all about it. I'm a witch and my mom told me all about them and I have seen a few in the past so it is not a big shock. Not all demons are bad, I have to believe that as there has to be some amount of goodness in everyone, even demons.

I ran into a girl named Cordelia and I think she must think I am a spaz as I was all shy with her and such. She seemed a little preoccupied about something but I wasn't looking to make any new friends as my mind had Willow on it and Anya was always giving me earfulls of stuff. I can always use new friends, but they need to be normal.

I ended up going to the Expresso pump and I met a girl named Dawn, she was younger but she was alone with a chess board and I think someone was standing her up. I am not usually so forward but I said hello to her and mentioned that I liked chess and she asked me for a game and we played three. Dawnie was really good at chess, she won two out of the three games and she was kind of cool. I told her I would love to play again and she gave me her address so I think I will stop by this weekend to play some.

~Tara~

Current Mood: happy

(cast a spell)

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